One month down...

This might just be one of the strangest experiences of my life. The ups and downs from day to day are unpredictable and emotionally exhausting. The old cliche comes to mind; what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way; I have spoken with several other student teachers who feel completely frustrated one day, and renewed the next. It even changes from one hour to the next. One class period might be on task and your lesson is going well - you even see that spark in the students' eyes as they "get it." The next period might be a classroom management nightmare. The lesson runs amuck. NO ONE seems to understand. You feel like you're fighting a losing battle - all while your CT watches (supposedly not judging you, but how could he/she not be?). If you feel this way, and you most likely will, you are not alone.

My US just observed me for the second time, and it was during one of those days when I felt dejected and disillusioned. The debriefing that followed the observation still went well, and my US offered some great suggestions for engaging the students. One strategy for helping with time management (that I learned in Classroom Management but haven't implemented yet) is the use of a timer with a bell to signal when the time alotted for an activity has ended. I have been giving verbal time warnings, such as "5 more minutes", etc., but the alarm is a great tool that helps me keep track of time and get students' attention better than a verbal "time's up" from me (especially if it's an activity during which students are allowed to talk). My US offered several other helpful suggestions as well. Remember, that's what your US if for! They are great resources, chosen for their experiences in the field, so remember to utilize yours.

I have not been good about calling my US to discuss my frustrations, because I tend to try to solve problems on my own. However, I strongly suggest that you talk with yours before the stress starts to wear you down too much. You can't perform your best when you begin to feel lost or miserable. I promise to be better about taking my own advice for the remaining 2/3 of my student teaching experience.

For now, I feel renewed. The day after my 2nd observation, the one during which I felt dejected, I had a kid who wouldn't turn in assignments before turn something in after his conversation with me. He even initiated a high-five with me. I saw some students make some important breakthroughs because of me! I feel like I'm in the right profession again. I just need more practice.

If you can't tell, I tend to be verbose (or quite wordy) once I begin writing, so I will list a few things that have caused me stress so far. I will re-visit these later in the semester to let you know what solutions I have found, because I WILL find solutions.

1) A lack of autonomy
2) Feeling like a guest in a class where I'm supposed to take charge
3) Having a vastly different vision/style than my CT
4) Classroom management (too much talking, kids off-task, etc.)
5) Ridiculously long hours (this will vary for you depending on your CT)
6) Lesson plans that are constantly in flux and not solely up to me - I would like to know where I'm headed so I can help the kids get there!

Savvy Suggestion: Hang in there! Some days, you will want to quit, or at least question whether or not you made the right career choice. Things won't always go according to plan. Then, things will come together. You will see that spark in a kid's eyes, they will high-five you, you will make a real difference in a student's life sooner than you expect to. You will find your groove, and feel amazing.